I’ve had bad days, you’ve had bad days. When you suffer from depression (and most mental illnesses) these bad days seem to come more often and stay a lot longer than we would hope. I’ve been hiding a little secret from my blog readers, and I’ve needed a good day to come. Well, we all need a good day but I’ve been praying to a god that I don’t believe in. If this good day didn’t come who knows what would have happened.
Flowers are happy, right?
Admission time first. Over the past week my depression has been getting worse again. Those who read my blog are probably thinking how can it get worse, just a month ago I was talking about wanting to kill myself. Well, I was getting better since then but over the past week it has started to get worse. I have been in contact with Samaritans (amazing charity for suicide help and more, they have email contact as well as a UK phone number) due to my suicidal thoughts getting worse again. I had everything planned out again, it was all planned for next Monday (I always pick Monday, I haven’t figured that out yet). I did not want to worry my readers, I know you all care about me so much and I don’t want to mess with your emotions as much as I already do. The depression is affecting my mind greatly, I would give anything to make it stop.
Click for the “To Kill Or Not To Kill” post referenced above.
And that is why I needed a day like today. In the morning I thought to myself, what do I have to look forward to? Well, I could continue writing my book (watch this space!) or maybe do something for my blog. I had no plans really, and nothing to enjoy. I woke up thinking this would be a day to give me more reason to die, I wasn’t going to see anyone, and nobody wanted to see me.
Early afternoon me and my dad went to watch my favourite team play, Leicester City. What is special about this? Well firstly, me and my dad do not talk to each other. Since my depression hit the most he has said to me is “do the washing up” while the most I’ve said to him is “okay”. We didn’t exactly recite the works of Shakespeare to each other today but we spent some time together. What’s better? Leicester won! It may have been a cup game but we are bottom of the league (which doesn’t help my depression) and our team could do with some confidence. To my non-UK readers, hang in there, we will stop with the football talk now.
Ok, great day Depressionless, is that all? No! After the game my friend sent me a text. The text is obviously private but we are meeting up on Monday to have a chat. I haven’t actually talked to them since my depression started getting worse again, so I’m prepared for tears and shock. They know about my depression and I’m sure they care about me (my depression disagrees with that). This day is going great.
Happy poem time! Click here for one of my “happier” poems.
Wow, Depressionless, you are having an amazing day, any more news? Not yet but this day could have anything in it. I got 79 blog views yesterday, and if I beat that today I might declare this the best day of my life so far. My mum made some homemade pizza today, and I’ll probably write another 1000 words for my book. I’ve said it many times, and I’ll say it again, great day!
Why do you care? A random stranger is telling you about his amazing day, how does that affect you? What I am trying to tell you is that good days can come when you are not expecting them. I’m not good at following my own advice but hang in there and remember your good day will come soon too, I am sure of it. Never give up hope! The bad days are what make the good days great!
P.S. There was going to be a poem today, but this was much more interesting. Poem tomorrow unless something important comes up. Also, sorry for lack of images…