Don’t Worry Guys, Sorry To Scare You!

My last post was a week and a half ago and I talked about my suicidal thoughts and feelings. I think I may have scared some of my readers, but I am fine now. Thanks for being so concerned for me, I promise I’ll keep you better informed next time.

I was struggling with my suicidal thoughts not long ago. I will give you more details in a few posts over the next few days but I stabbed myself, ended up in hospital and had to stay there for a while. I was unable to post while in hospital so could not inform my lovely readers. On getting out I was feeling better but still struggling with my suicidal thoughts, my mind wasn’t working right and I completely forgot loads of things. I didn’t post here, I haven’t been to college, lots of things went wrong. I also discovered some things about my family and my friendships which impacted my mood, making me even more depressed. I have been struggling a lot in the past 2 weeks. I will share it with you guys starting tomorrow, there is lots to talk about. It could be a post series, maybe the “Battling My Suicidal Thoughts” series. Seriously, there is a lot, I could probably write a novel with everything that has happened.

Thanks for all the comments while I was away, I feel bad for not telling you guys, but my mind wasn’t in the right place. I’ll probably go through each comment tomorrow and thank everyone, it means a lot to have these people who care. This is Depressionless, signing out!

Five Most Helpful Posts… So Far

2 months of blogging already! I’ve brought to you my troubles, my poetry and my opinions but quite interestingly I have brought some helpful advice along with me. This post will show you my “most helpful posts” so far based on the view numbers of my help articles. I hope you take something useful out of this, the advice I give is tried and tested by either myself or professionals. Enjoy!

5) Unusual Methods To Combat Self-Harming [Part 2]
Views: Dominoes in a standard set (28)
Fifth on the list is the second part of my three part series where I looked at unusual methods to combat self harming. I am someone who self harms so I understand the reasons why someone would self harm, but also why they would want to stop. This post looks at four methods to distract yourself or remove the urge to self harm, including things you can do with other people or by yourself. In fact, two of the four methods on this post I still use from time to time so they can work for some people.
Click here to view the post.

4) Unusual Methods To Combat Self-Harming [Part 1]
Views: Number of studio and compilation albums by Elton John (47)
One of the first posts on my blog, and since my blog was so small at that point it surprises me that this post made it onto the list. The first part of my unusual methods to combat self harming series looked at four methods to stop yourself from self harming. While they are unusual methods, many people who have tried to get help with self harming will have heard one of the methods on the list. Ice…
Click here to view the post.

3) How To Sleep… For Insomniacs
Views: Age of boxer Mike Tyson (48)
Who remembers when I kept writing posts related to insomnia? Well, I think I only did three but this was one of them. This post takes advice from professional self-help books as well as my own experience, so that anyone with sleeping difficulties may find it easier to get some rest. While it may be a slightly shorter post than most others it does include a poem at the end, either you will enjoy it or it will be so boring that you will fall asleep. Win-win situation.
Click here to view the post.

2) How To Help Someone During A Panic Attack
Views: Number of countries in Africa (54)
This post attracted a lot of people to comment on my blog as well as reblog the post on their own blogs. What are the symptoms of a panic attack? How can you stop them? Should you see a doctor? This post answers those three important questions so that you can help yourself or someone else during a panic attack. Anyone can have a panic attack, be prepared!
Click here to view the post.

1) How To Tell Someone You Are Suicidal
Views: Traditional retirement age in the UK (65)
This blog is no stranger to suicide posts. To me it feels like I write a post about it every week. My readers will know I often feel suicidal, so I have been in the situation a few times where I have to tell someone. Telling someone is the hardest part of getting help which is why it is so important, and I am not surprised that this is my most viewed help article. This post does answer a lot of important questions. Bookmark it, print it out, just stay safe.
Click here to view the post.

Rhymes and Art and Pages, Oh My!

I can sum this whole update up in one short list; book of rhymes, mental health art auction, pages, poetry, classiness. Yeah, you should be interested now. Read below to find out on everything from helping charities to my attempts of blog positivity!

Book of Rhymes
I’m probably not actually going to call it Book of Rhymes… But yeah, I am writing some poems to create a book! I’m not dedicating time to this as I write better when I let the thoughts come to me instead of forcing myself to write something, which is why I am carrying my “Book of Rhymes” (a notepad) with me wherever I go. I doubt I will get it published into a book, which ruins one of my blogging resolutions, since I have no work published before but I will at least create some sort of ebook, which would be a lot cheaper for everyone (maybe free, I don’t know). Stay tuned!

The Mental Health Art Auction
You all need to go and check this out right now, and sign up. The great blog ByLaurenHayley is doing an art auction in August to raise awareness of mental health, and raise money for mental health charities in various countries. Her own words are “the auction was going to just feature the one piece of art that I am creating, however – as more and more bloggers come on board, offers of donations are rolling in and therefore it looks like the auction may be much bigger than we originally anticipated” so lets get as many people involved as possible. Click here to go to her latest post about the auction.

More Pages
My “Suicidal, What To Do” page has received quite a lot of views since I created it which hopefully means it has helped some people out. I have just created another page with suicidal helplines for various countries across the world, mostly from countries that visit by blog a lot at the moment. So if you need to give someone a helpline number it will hopefully be on this page, or you can just link them the whole page! I will be adding a few more pages to this site soon, possibly some related to general mental health advice. If you want to suggest anything feel free, but otherwise keep a look out.

Sick of Poetry?
I’m not! I missed poetry out of my blog for a couple of weeks but I’ll be rolling it back in as I feel it is the best way I can make this blog more positive. My suicidal thoughts and feelings have dominated the posts over the past few weeks but they seem to be clearing (lets hope so anyway). Blog positivity incoming!

Anything Else?
Yeah… stay classy!

Liebster Award [First Nomination]

Ooooh, an award! How exciting. I don’t know how to celebrate and I haven’t written my acceptance speech yet but thanks to Laura Bruj and lilfogygirl for the nominations, I have answered one of your sets of questions here and I’ll do the other one shortly. For more on the Liebster Award click here. Okay, let’s go!

1) If you could be something today, something to make you proud, what would you be?
This is the hardest question ever. Happy.

2) Why you started blogging?
Long story (not really). I started blogging as a way to talk about my depression, I could only talk to one person about it when I started blogging.

3) What would make you happy?
Besides the obvious? I want to see my friend who lives 3000 miles away.

4) What is one thing you can’t live without at the moment?
Well quite literally I can’t live without the song Thugz Mansion by 2Pac and Nas, I found it recently, love it, got me through a tough night. Acoustic Hip Hop!

5) The book or the movie?
Movie, I only like reading small books.

6) Do you have pets? If no, pick one would you would like to have.
Yeah, two black and white cats, Cosmos and Orion.

7) Share your favorite blog and describe in 3 words why?
Depression Darling, because it’s crazy.

8) Describe yourself in 3 words.
Strong, rich, handsome… no? Okay I choose confusing, sporty, witty.

9) Mountain or sea/ocean?
Probably the sea because I don’t see many of my friends joining me up a mountain.

10) What you do to relax?
Very, very long walks while listening to music. I then come back home and listen to more music.

11) Favorite scent/perfume.
Mmmmmmm, I don’t want to sound creepy but I know this girl who smells very nice. It sounds creepy to me, how do I tell her? Hey, can I sniff you?

And I Nominate
Well, I have to nominate some people so I shall choose bipolarsojourner, effortlessjess, kbailey373, Depression Darling and MindsLikeOurs.

Your 11 questions are:
1) Hugs or kisses?
2) If you had one superpower, which one would it be?
3) The one place you never want to visit?
4) What is the one thing you have always wanted to do?
5) What is your favourite food?
6) Describe your city/hometown in 5 words?
7) If you could speak one foreign language fluently, which one?
8) Cake or pie?
9) If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, which one?
10) If you could go down the pub and have a pint with three people (dead or alive), who would they be?
11) What was one thing that made you smile today?

And the rules are:
– Thank the person who has nominated you and link his/her blog in your post.
– Answer the questions above.
– Nominate 5-11 blogger, who have less than 200 followers.
– Make a new list with 11 questions.
– Put these rules in your post.
– Inform the blogger you have nominated.

Done. Goodbye!

Just One Reason To Be Happy

I’ve had bad days, you’ve had bad days. When you suffer from depression (and most mental illnesses) these bad days seem to come more often and stay a lot longer than we would hope. I’ve been hiding a little secret from my blog readers, and I’ve needed a good day to come. Well, we all need a good day but I’ve been praying to a god that I don’t believe in. If this good day didn’t come who knows what would have happened.

Flowers are happy, right?

Admission time first. Over the past week my depression has been getting worse again. Those who read my blog are probably thinking how can it get worse, just a month ago I was talking about wanting to kill myself. Well, I was getting better since then but over the past week it has started to get worse. I have been in contact with Samaritans (amazing charity for suicide help and more, they have email contact as well as a UK phone number) due to my suicidal thoughts getting worse again. I had everything planned out again, it was all planned for next Monday (I always pick Monday, I haven’t figured that out yet). I did not want to worry my readers, I know you all care about me so much and I don’t want to mess with your emotions as much as I already do. The depression is affecting my mind greatly, I would give anything to make it stop.

Click for the “To Kill Or Not To Kill” post referenced above.

And that is why I needed a day like today. In the morning I thought to myself, what do I have to look forward to? Well, I could continue writing my book (watch this space!) or maybe do something for my blog. I had no plans really, and nothing to enjoy. I woke up thinking this would be a day to give me more reason to die, I wasn’t going to see anyone, and nobody wanted to see me.

Early afternoon me and my dad went to watch my favourite team play, Leicester City. What is special about this? Well firstly, me and my dad do not talk to each other. Since my depression hit the most he has said to me is “do the washing up” while the most I’ve said to him is “okay”. We didn’t exactly recite the works of Shakespeare to each other today but we spent some time together. What’s better? Leicester won! It may have been a cup game but we are bottom of the league (which doesn’t help my depression) and our team could do with some confidence. To my non-UK readers, hang in there, we will stop with the football talk now.

Ok, great day Depressionless, is that all? No! After the game my friend sent me a text. The text is obviously private but we are meeting up on Monday to have a chat. I haven’t actually talked to them since my depression started getting worse again, so I’m prepared for tears and shock. They know about my depression and I’m sure they care about me (my depression disagrees with that). This day is going great.

Happy poem time! Click here for one of my “happier” poems.

Wow, Depressionless, you are having an amazing day, any more news? Not yet but this day could have anything in it. I got 79 blog views yesterday, and if I beat that today I might declare this the best day of my life so far. My mum made some homemade pizza today, and I’ll probably write another 1000 words for my book. I’ve said it many times, and I’ll say it again, great day!

Why do you care? A random stranger is telling you about his amazing day, how does that affect you? What I am trying to tell you is that good days can come when you are not expecting them. I’m not good at following my own advice but hang in there and remember your good day will come soon too, I am sure of it. Never give up hope! The bad days are what make the good days great!

P.S. There was going to be a poem today, but this was much more interesting. Poem tomorrow unless something important comes up. Also, sorry for lack of images…