Loneliness Hurts!

Have you ever been lonely? I don’t mean being alone as that is something different, feeling lonely in my opinion is much worse. It is the negative side of being alone, but also something that can occur when you are surrounded with people. Loneliness is the thing that makes me cry every time I go to sleep. It’s something I wish I didn’t have to feel, but something I know I will feel tomorrow and the day after no matter how hard I try.

Today I had an exam, it was my third exam out of 13 (more than most other people I’ve talked to). I actually got to talk to people today! Last Friday I got to speak to my friend (my friend?) for about an hour, but after that I didn’t get to speak to someone until today. I did speak to someone at the shop for about 10 seconds, being able to talk to someone is one of the two reasons I go to the shop, the other to buy food. I have been feeling lonely again for obvious reasons. I texted my friend about this and they promised to talk to me yesterday after my exam yesterday… but then they ignored my texts after my exam for 2 hours so I went away from college. They texted me eventually, and said we could talk properly today.

Anyway, today! After my exam I got to speak to someone from one of my classes about the exam, we talked about how I found it easy while hey found it hard. It was maths… maths is easy… in my opinion, for some reason everyone finds it hard. I then got to speak to my counsellor from academic support! And then I got to speak to my friend! But when my friend’s friends came along, my friend had to go. See, my friend’s friends are more important than me, even though I’m told they aren’t. Now I’m depressed again.

I went home and cut myself. I’m lonely. I will get to talk to my CAMHS counsellor tomorrow but I hate them, and I still haven’t got my new counsellor. I’m also going to my GP tomorrow. My GP always wants to see me to make sure I’m alright, but I like going to them just so that I know I will get to talk to someone in the week, even if it is only for 10 minutes.

Did you hear? I’m lonely… I’ve neglected my blog too because of exams and my mental health. My suicidal thoughts are constantly up and down, I don’t know whether they were up or down in the last post but they are somewhere in the middle on this post. I’ve also neglected my lovely readers, I want to say I will actually reply to your comments this time but I feel so sad I’m not sure whether I can.

I’m lonely…

Advertisements

16 thoughts on “Loneliness Hurts!

  1. Hey there friend, I was think about depression the other day and what i thought about is that depressed people does not really need professional help, i guess, but people who are willing to sit down with them or do things while talking about their problems or the depressing matters. We need, people that can accept that we are depressed and we want someone who we can trust to talk to. A little distraction can help as well and bit by bit solve the problem. I just thought why not create a blog for people who are depressed, lonely or just someone that needs to talk to others. Like certain groups that helps with such kind of things. It just came to me the other while reading your blog. So, hey, i know conversing in the internet is not the same as conversing in real life but we are here to talk to you, lets talk about things, distract us from the problems we face for a while. Lets create a place where we can throw all of our worries. Til next time.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. deepbluesandseafoamgreens says:

    One of the things which can kind of stimulate loneliness is a feeling of insufficiency. Me telling you that you rock – I mean duh, you like maths too – and you are sufficient is true and good and all, but that’s something which needs to come from within. Not saying that I – or other readers here too I’m sure – don’t believe it but yeah, YOU need to feel it.
    And I understand, it’s hard. Please, do try being gentle to yourself though, yeah? 🙂

    I’d offer *hugs* (well I am offering *hugs* nonetheless) but a) my right arm is a bit achey from rounders on Monday and b) I feel that you may be swamped and – hey, come back! Don’t run off!
    Well there’s my pathetic attempt at humour/cheering you up, for today.
    Ta ta.

    Liked by 1 person

      • deepbluesandseafoamgreens says:

        Hahaha now’s probably not the best time to mention how awful/much I lack in the hug department. It’s a rare movement and the last time I was asked for a hug I awkwardly paused, stepped forward (hands by my side) and allowed them to hug me, then I walked off. It’s not my fault I swear!

        XD
        I suppose you could rap it?

        Like

    • An awkward hug can be something to make you smile if you accept it in a positive way or something that you want to laugh about after. Just imagine it being used in a sitcom. 🙂

      Like

  3. depressionless.

    It sucks to be lonely. i know because i’ve been there too.not that i’m the best one to be giving advice but…perhaps head to a conversation rich place , like a coffee shop, and try starting some conversations. if that’s doesn’t work you”re not worse off. if it does work, you’ll be better off. if the very thought of this causes your anxiety to boil, take a pass.

    Like

    • Yeah, I could maybe try a coffee shop today but I don’t know. I do go college still and try to talk to people but I can feel lonely even when people do talk to me, that’s a problem and its partly because of my depression I think.

      Thanks for always commenting too! You always have good advice for me 🙂

      Like

      • keep trying. loneliness can be hard to beat, but it can be beat.

        do you has peer lead support groups in england? these groups could help with your loneliness since you would be in a group of people with struggles similar to yours. additionally, a group like this would give you a non-judgmental place to talk about where you are at.

        they are integral to my support structure. i live in a major metropolitan area. if i wanted/needed to, i could attend peer lead groups 6 days of the week.

        here in the states, five resources are meetup.com, dbsa a national group that supports people who have depression and bipolar, and nami, a national non-profit groups that advocates for people with mental disorders, online chat groups and discussion boards.

        Like

  4. I had a conversation the other day. Someone said they hate algebra. Someone else said you need a different kind of brain for algebra and they did not have that kind of brain. Like it was weird to have an algebra brain! So, I said I always loved algebra and it suited my brain perfectly so must be I am one of those people with THAT kind of brain. A superior brain, imho. It’s not easy having a superior brain when it is apparently so rare…..

    Like

  5. It says a lot that you are still functioning-on-purpose re school and etc., it says you still care. The amazing thing is despite everything, one day soon all these exams will be done and you will have a successful finish. Am I making sense?

    Sorry about your friend(s), I mean, maybe the other friends ARE more important, or maybe they already had plans, who knows why? but the point is you are hurting and lonely. I just pray that you find some more people who will actually make you feel less lonely instead of more (sometimes people CAN make you feel more lonely. I think that is why I isolate a lot)

    HUGS

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve said before that depression is like siting at a table for one, the illness itself is silent and it isolates because we cannot find people to talk to..correction people who will listen and fill that void.

    That feeling of outside looking in, even if your in a room full of people is just horrid, but I can say in time, things can get better, I know hanging in there is hard, but please do, always remember your not alone here:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for always being there, I always read your comments (when you do anyway). I think knowing what it’s like to be able to talk to lots of friends, and then it feels like it suddenly changes (probably just my mind telling me that though) makes everything so worse.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hey there glad to see you are attempting to talk with and make friends as hard as that is! If you have not already please check out my site. I am the depression queen! I have just found that there is a Depressed Annonymous which is based on Alcoholics Annonymous they hold meetings where you can go and meet others who suffer with depression. You can talk or just listen. You would definitely meet people to talk to please visit their site at http://depressedanon.com to see if there are meetings in your area. They have a lot of good information there as well as helping you find a meeting. Smiles your way😎Marlene

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s