The Letter…

A letter was addressed to my house today for my parents and me, containing information about my mental illness. It contained some information I never knew, some information that I didn’t want shared with anyone, and some information that isn’t even true. So it was no surprise to see it was a letter from my CAMHS counsellor. I still don’t know what to think about the letter, it makes me laugh to read what they think about me but at the same time it is worrying that my private information could have been read by my parents without me knowing.

Near the top of the letter it says “CONTENTS NOT TO BE DIVULGED WITHOUT AUTHORS CONSENT” in bold, capital letters. And as any mental health patient knows, I have the right to keep all information between myself and my counsellor unless there is danger to me or someone else. So I read through the letter expecting it to talk about how I am still suffering from suicidal thoughts and my counsellor might have thought I was going to act on them so they would tell my parents. I read through the whole letter, half smiling, half confused. There was almost no talk of my suicidal thoughts, but there was a lot of strange information.

I thought I should share some with my readers first. Note that my name has been replaced with Depressionless in some quotes.

“He struggles with sleeping. He goes to bed around 10pm…”

Okay, so that one isn’t exactly strange compared to some others. I did tell my counsellor this about two months ago but during all meetings they ask me how my sleeping is, and I tell them something different each time. Sometimes my sleeping is fine for a week, sometimes I sleep really early, and sometimes I can’t sleep. This isn’t exactly troubling news that my counsellor is telling my parents 2 months out-of-date information, and I wouldn’t complain if this was the only thing wrong. So lets continue.

“He said he has about 11 friends”

This is one of the most confusing quotes in the letter, but probably not the worst. 11 friends? Wow, considering a few days ago I was writing on my blog about how I have no friends it upsets me even more that my counsellor has made 11 imaginary friends for me. I’ve never told them about having 11 friends. In fact I’ve only mentioned 3 possible friends to them, one is an online friend, one never talks to me anymore and one is the one I’ve mentioned often who used to help me but has since stopped talking to me. 11 friends? Being my unstable self I’ll probably both laugh and cry about this later.

“The first panic attack was on the physics test”

What? Okay, so I understand where this came from. When I was first visited by the police they thought I was going to kill myself over a physics test in which I apparently had a panic attack. Firstly, I wouldn’t kill myself over a test score, lets make that clear. Secondly, I never had a panic attack in the test. I’ve said both of this to several people including my CAMHS counsellor over the past few months so I’m not sure why they don’t believe me (or are using out-of-date information again).

“His father, William” and “Depressionless has an elder sister, Jane”

Well, you probably wont understand this one until I explain it. My father isn’t called William, my sister isn’t called Jane. Unless… maybe I have a secret dad and sister that I have never met, and no one has ever told me about. Why would my counsellor finally decide to tell me in a letter? They wouldn’t, they have just made up another two people. So that means my counsellor has created 13 people so far, I think they should get their own counsellor and a psychiatric test. Apparently they talked to my father William…

“didn’t want to talk about the thought of self-harm however denied any intent”

I’m not even sure what this means. Does this mean I keep accidentally self-harming? Does this mean I deny ever self-harming despite showing them my cuts? Should the word self-harm be replaced with suicide despite me actually attempting it? I have no idea. Whatever it means, they obviously aren’t listening to me.

Wow, there are a lot more errors in the letter but I don’t want to talk about them all here. This blog post would be far too long if I mentioned them all. so that must be it? Surely? No, that is the information that makes no sense, now lets move onto the information that I never knew.

So I still haven’t received a proper diagnosis from my CAMHS counsellor. My GP and college counsellor both seem to accept I have depression, but want to know what my CAMHS counsellor thinks. I want to know what my CAMHS counsellor thinks because I know whatever they think about me is probably wrong (considering they believe the opposite of whatever I say). So what did they think?

Mixed depressive and anxiety disorder… Something they have never mentioned to me. Wait? Did they give me a diagnosis through post? Possibly because they don’t want me to laugh in their face and use my intelligence to prove them wrong. I don’t have extensive knowledge on this disorder but I understand their has to be roughly an equal balance of depression and anxiety but neither has to stand out. I have never heard from my counsellor about this so I wont know the proper medical definition, but at the moment I don’t think I have it. I don’t believe I have an serious anxiety disorder I used to have a few panic attacks when I had to first start talking about my mental health but I probably haven’t had one in a few months. I don’t get anxious in social situations either, I may be a little shy when I first meet people but so are most people. I might have a bit of anxiety caused by my depression, I won’t deny that, but I don’t believe I have mixed depressive and anxiety disorder.

I will talk to my CAMHS counsellor about this when I next see them, and they might change my mind. If they change my mind and I finally believe I know what is wrong with me then that is great. I don’t think my counsellor is right though. When they give me more information I can make a better decision. I’ll talk to them about everything in the letter too, because they obviously have no idea about anything, and how they managed to make up 13 people is amazing. I’m starting to think mental illness is the state of being sane, while counsellors are ill and try to make you ill too…

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14 thoughts on “The Letter…

  1. It amazes me how some doctors continue to practice (I guess they need to practice till they get it right lol). It sounds to me like your doctor is either confused, and therefore hasn’t been doing their job which to a large degree involves listening, or they’re confusing you with someone else. I’d bring this politely in your next meeting.

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    • Whenever I talk to them they only listen to what they want to hear, they tell me that some of the things I tell them about my life aren’t true. Like they tell me how I feel about people around me as if I don’t know. For example, they say I have a good relationship with my parents when I obviously don’t. Fortunately I’m getting a new person to talk to soon (on a waiting list).

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      • Good for you. Next time though, record the session, tell the doctor that you plan to do it, and say why, your previous doc didn’t appear to listen and got things wrong etc.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow, that’s almost laughable. Inventing people? My psychologist initially made a few mistakes, but nothing like that! She just got confused about what my neuroses are…
    I don’t even know how they could make mistakes like that! Perhaps they’re confusing you with someone else? Whatever the excuse is, it’s quite unprofessional. Maybe asking for a different counsellor (who actually pays attention to you) might be better. You need to click with your therapist, not be just another one of their patients. You deserve a better one. Hugs πŸ™‚

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    • Haha, I have no idea. The letter was addressed to me and my parents, and some of the letter at least fits what I’ve told them. I have no idea what’s going on, I don’t believe they could get so much confused with someone else. Thanks! I’m getting a new one soon hopefully. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I must commend you, you showed a great deal of sense of humor through this horribly written report. this counselor attempts to show his clueless nature through this report.

    two things struck me.

    he’s struggling with sleeping. he goes to bed at 10:00. what I wouldn’t give to go to bed at 10:00! this guy is nuts if he thinks going to bed at 10:00 shows sign of a struggle. well, on second thought, I don’t know. is your regular bed time 6:00? πŸ™‚

    11 friends, that’s just a typo. he got an extra 1 in there. either he doesn’t listen to you or he doesn’t proof his reports. neither bodes well.

    you had me rolling with the sister part. congratulations on finding out about the sister you didn’t know you had. here’s hoping that she ends up being slightly more supportive than the rest of your family. (-: wait! she can be a imaginary sister. you can make her as supportive as you want. πŸ™‚ i guess you can enter your next session with righteous indignation. i can see it now,”how dare you tell me about a sister i didn’t know i had in a medical report. isn’t that something that would be better brought up in session first so we can discuss it!”

    is this the counselor you don’t give a sh*t about? if so, take this report with a grain of salt; he has proven himself as clueless as you’ve made him out to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, its the same counsellor πŸ™‚ Hopefully I get to see my new one soon.

      Yeah, my new imaginary sister will hopefully support me! If I made them up my counsellor would probably put me in a mental hospital, but my counsellor is allowed to make people up. Honestly this is so funny, I actually think this might be a joke letter.

      And well actually the last few nights I have fell asleep really early, before 9pm on the last three nights. But then each of those nights I also wake up between 2am and 3am for some reason, strange! I normally fall asleep around 11pm to midnight on college nights, a bit more normal I guess πŸ™‚

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      • reminder: hewould have to check himself into mental hospital. he’s the one who made up your new sister. maybe a rubber room would be a good place for this guy.

        the waking up early is considered a little more serious as far as insomnia is considered. don’t tell your current counselor; that might be too much knowledge for him and his brain might explode.

        Sent from my iPad Mini

        >

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It sounds to me like this doctor has too many patients and is beginning to mix up patient files in his head. Getting names wrong, and details wrong, sounds to me like he has too many people he is seeing and not enough time to review files.

    Maybe he should review his notes and recordings of his sessions.

    If I were you, I would take the letters with me to the next session and bring a pen. I would go over the inconsistencies point by point, explaining why they are wrong and asking why the doctor made that error. If they said you told them so, ask to see the notes. Make sure he has PROOF. Make notes.

    If there is no proof and no explanation of the errors that is satisfactory it is time to ask for your case to be switched to a physician that can manage your case in their load. Expressly tell them that if that ends up happening. “I am concerned with these errors, because it makes me think you are not listening to my concerns or are mixing up my file with another patient’s. I would like to be switched to another physician.”

    Liked by 4 people

    • That’s actually a good idea. I might do it, but I hate talking to my counsellor and they might not even listen. I’m on a waiting list for another counsellor too (one I got on with when I met them in hospital) so I might wait until I see them, depending on how long it is.

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      • deepbluesandseafoamgreens says:

        Not going to lie there, I kinda freaked out.
        My counsellor said nothing, that’s why. But then, I guess she had Jo reason to? Eh I don’t know.
        :/

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  5. I found myself laughing a little at this too. Especially the 13 imaginary people part. I don’t wanna pass judgment, primarily because I don’t know your counsellor, but, from what I gather from other posts on this blog, they might be under-qualified to treat your issues. Maybe not. You would know. But still, I bet it’s pretty frustrating to deal with ineptitude and misunderstanding when it comes to your mental health. Sloppiness should not be tolerated. I hope you impress upon your counsellor the importance of getting things straight for the sake of your wellbeing (i.e. tear that idiot a new one). -LB

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