After months of up and down emotions as well as increasing suicidal thoughts (including a sort of attempt) I have some news that all of my readers will have been hoping for… I’m having less suicidal thoughts! This is something which is great news for me as I don’t want to get as close to suicide as I did last weekend, or take another overdose which I’ll decide I don’t want to do half-way through. Some of my readers will know be thinking, come on Depressionless, this wont last, next week you’ll have another post about how you want to kill yourself again, be realistic. Well, I want to be happy about this, I hope I can be happy like this for the rest of my life but even this is better than the everlasting depression state I have been in.
I spoke to my GP a few days ago, and we talked about a few things such as medication, my counselling, and if there could be a different diagnosis. Basically, we talk about what I want to talk about. Firstly, I will be talking more about medication next week as we look at trying something different to Fluoxetine. The Fluoxetine is wearing off, which is probably why I’m feeling less suicidal, and I will be able to start a new medication at any time. I will have to see what is recommended, I presume it will be another SSRI. All of the possible mental illnesses that people are suggesting at the moment can be treated with SSRI’s.
Counselling? I talked to my GP about getting a new counsellor. One of the most mentioned topics on my blog is my hate of my counsellor which may sound mean but someone who turns me away when I tell them I have a suicide plan deserves my hate. They don’t give advice, just papers for me to read through, which will magically make me less depressed. Note, that doesn’t work. My GP said I might get the person I spoke to at the hospital as my counsellor, but that might not be possible as it depends on when they work. Anyone will be better than my current counsellor though.
Next, cutting! The days leading up to the events of last weekend as well as this week my cutting has been more random. There have been days where I have cut a lot, but there have been days where I haven’t cut. A similar thing happened around the time I took the overdose, but this time I seem to be cutting less afterwards. I’m not sure whether this will keep up as I might feel more depressed next week with the college tests I have. If stopping cutting makes me more suicidal I wont stop, but if I can keep my sessions as short as possible and my cuts as shallow as possible it will be manageable.
Finally, I have been more organised this week. I wrote a to-do list for my life this week which has helped me be more productive. I recommend it, although it made me realise how much I actually have to do. I will keep doing this each week. You might have noticed I’ve been publishing more posts. Well, on my to-do list I wrote that I would publish more blog posts and when I started writing one I had ideas for many, so expect a few over the next few weeks.
Oh wait, this is finally. I want to mention a few people. I do this sometimes, just to thank people who help me out during my low times. Obviously I want to thank every reader who has liked, commented and reblogged my posts. KBailey374, I Run This Mind and NorthernRose all reblogged my last blog post! All Things Chronic pingbacked it too! Wow! Anyway, I keep having strange conversations with DeepBluesAndSeaFoamGreens (I love the long name!) and they cheer me up whenever I see one of their comments. They are also one of the blogs not totally related to mental health or poetry that I follow, check them out! AmandaQuirky keeps commenting on a few of my posts now, and they commented on one of my poetry posts with a poem. I kind of told my readers to do that but I love it, and it was so good too! Siouxsie also deserves I mention for being so helpful to me when I was suicidal, I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but they were helping so much, trying to figure out about hospital procedures for me and trying to get me there. It’s amazing how kind some strangers are, I haven’t been on the Depressionless twitter account still the hospital event so I haven’t spoken to them, I need to soon though. I could mention all of my readers, I read all of your comments I try to reply to them too. I think I made this paragraph too long, what do you think?
Anyway, I have forgot what I was talking about. Something about it being a good few days for me… Yeah, it has been, and I hope next week is good too! I doubt it will be since I have a few college tests but I will try to be optimistic, at least for now. How has everyone else’s week been?