If you are going to self-harm you should at least know how to do it properly, make sure you read the whole post before attempting so you know exactly how to self-harm, as if you attempt it incorrectly you might suffer fatal consequences. What will you need? The interesting thing about self-harming is that you don’t even need anything but this post will focus on cutting so anything sharp will do. We will refer to your tool of choice as a knife throughout the post for simplicity.
So your first cut… it is often the hardest. You are not how deep to cut, how many cuts to do or how hard to press. You will not be used to the pain of cutting and as you draw the knife across your skin it will feel like agony. Afterwards you will probably do a few softer cuts to make yourself feel better.
If gets easier though, and you still think you can control yourself. Each session the cuts get deeper and you find it easier to draw blood. The cuts heal but turn into scars. When you have enough scars on your forearm you start to go up the rest of your arm, and then onto the legs and stomach. Every part of your body that you are able to cover up will be covered with scars.
And you will cover them up. You will hide your cuts and scars from everyone you love. You can still wear t-shirts, but you must wear a jumper or jacket over it so that your arms are not on show. When summer comes you worry about what to wear so you either wear long-sleeve shirts in the blazing heat or you stay inside, which leads to more cutting.
At this point you are addicted to cutting. You have already avoided your friends in the summer due to your cuts, but now you begin to skip lessons at school or college just so you can cut some more. You’ll hide in the toilets and watch the blood trickle down your arms as your education slips between your fingers. Your addiction causes you to get bad grades in your next test, but you don’t worry because you will always have your knife with you to comfort you during these times.
What was once one cut turns into ten cuts, then twenty cuts, then thirty, then a hundred. You are out of control. If you are not thinking about cutting it is probably because you are cutting. You no longer feel normal, you feel like a machine programmed to inflict harm onto itself. You battle against your mind daily, you try to stop cutting but it is no use. Cutting has taken over, you see no way of escaping. You will read books about self-harming and look for miracles online to help you stop but it is no use.
You now carry your knife with you wherever you go. Do you have 5 minutes before next lesson? Cut. Are your friends not looking for a few minutes? Cut. Have your parents left you in the car? Cut. Every opportunity you have will turn into a cutting session. On the rare occasions you cannot use your knife you will look for other objects to cut yourself with. Needles, compasses, paperclips. You can use everything. Cutting does not hurt as much as it used to.
You forget what days were like before you started cutting, you wonder how you managed. You are alone in your own little world of cutting, you cannot seem to find anyone else who cuts without revealing your own secret. Your body is slowly being destroyed, you enjoy it while at the same time hate it. You don’t even own your body, cutting does. Cutting is in your work, your dreams and in signs on the street. Imagine your worst nightmare has come to life, but is in the form of cutting. You wish you had never started, you wish you could turn back the clock and tell yourself not to cut. I wish that too, but then I started cutting and now it is too late.
So you want to self-harm? I’ll tell you exactly how to self-harm. Put the knife down and walk away. That’s the only way you can succeed. That’s the only way you can beat the devil.