Hey Guys… Some New Medication!

PrescriptionBagYeah! I have finally been given some medication to fight off my illness. You might remember I was previously prescribed an anti-anxiety drug, Propranolol, to help calm me down on which I took a small overdose and received absolutely no help. I even said I was going to do something similar again and still no help. So what’s the solution? Give me something that is easier to overdose on (guess what it is while you read the post, a lot of my readers on anti-depressants may have heard of it). This is a win-win situation for me as it could make me feel better, or it will make me suicidal. With the mood I’m currently in I don’t really care which one happens.

It was my CAMHS counsellor (the one I hate) who prescribed me the medication. I am not yet sure whether I have been officially diagnosed with depression but everyone treats me as if I have. That’s why it was a shock to me that they told me today they believe I have social anxiety, and to combat it they will give me a drug that has a common side-effect of anxiety. The drug doesn’t seem to be used to treat anxiety (well it is, but I heard they use other methods first) which confuses me even more. Have I ever told you I think my counsellor is crazier than me?

Anyway, anxiety? I strongly believe that I don’t have social anxiety despite the odd panic attacks I have. If I do have social anxiety disorder it would confuse me even more as it does not explain any of the symptoms I have noticed except for avoiding contact sometimes (and the panic attacks). Depression still seems to fit most of the symptoms. From my knowledge of mental illnesses I might possibly have bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder but I doubt it for either. I don’t really have much of a manic phase and my depressed/angry/anxious/kind-of-happy mood swings are very unpredictable. I don’t know much about borderline personality disorder so I wouldn’t want to say I have it, I could ask my GP but I’ll probably want to learn more about it first. Readers, fire information at me! So yeah, I still believe I have depression, I don’t believe my counsellor.

The medication (keep thinking what it is) is being kept by my mum. I don’t really talk to her but people want to make sure I don’t overdose. The medication is in liquid form for two weeks, then I will start on the tablets of higher dosage if there are no horrible side-effects. I’m not sure if being a liquid form makes it easier or harder to overdose (I wouldn’t have enough to overdose anyway) but they wont let me take care of it. I find liquid easier to swallow than tablets or pills.

At the moment I am in a “oh, I can’t be bothered to do anything” mood. I was listening to music and playing video games when I suddenly turned very depressed. I cut myself, then I regretted it so I started writing this post. Interesting life, right? From my terrible dancing in my room I have somehow learned a great dance FluoxetineBottle move that I need to show someone… but everyone is at college so there is no one to show. It is one of those moves where you either do it perfectly or you fail and everyone laughs at you. Why am I talking about this?

So here is the medication.

Well… I am on 10mg/2.5ml a day (which isn’t a lot) of Fluoxetine, which some of you may know as Prozac. They will up the dosage in two weeks if, like I said earlier, there are no strange side-effects. Dead or alive, I can’t feel as bad after I take this drug than before. Surely not…

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12 thoughts on “Hey Guys… Some New Medication!

  1. That does sound very serious and I am concerned for you. I do see one very good sign though, you chose to write about it to deal with it. I was once put on an antidepressant by my GP without any kind of thorough examination or confirmation of my illness. That was a huge mistake in my case. it went very badly and my family took the medication and flushed it, with my blessing. I don’t think you should do that, but as long as you can recognize when something is affecting you negatively and are willing to communicate that; I think you’ll be able to finally get what you really need. Oh, and do DANCE your heart out. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks of it. Allow yourself the wonderful joy of it. 🙂

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  2. I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I would say do some good research on it. Also realize that while you do your research, keep in mind that A LOT of the general information talks about one type of BPD. These type are the type who explode in angry rages a lot. There is also the quiet type of BPD, that isn’t talked about as much. The Quiet BPD turns inward instead of outward. This is more my type. I didn’t know about the quiet type until maybe a year or so ago. I was diagnosed in 2003 the first time I was hospitalized. I was 19, and am now 31.

    The best thing to do about BPD is to find healthy ways to deal with it; like writing, exercising (I don’t follow this one well), readying, drawing, anything to get it out that isn’t hurting yourself or someone else.

    Is there a way to find a counselor who you like and trust? It will be a lot better for what you are dealing with, if you can trust and feel safe with your counselor.

    Sending Hugs Your Way!
    Devin

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  3. I think Prozac sounds like a good drug for you. You do sound depressed and anxiety often goes hand in hand with anxiety. You could have BPD, but you are *soooo* young, how could such a thing be properly diagnosed until you have several years of adulthood behind you? I think the Prozac has the potential to really help you. Only downside is that it’ll take a few weeks to fully kick in and work. Don’t give up…

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    • I know they don’t like to diagnose it before 18, and I don’t even know how they diagnose it. I guess even if I don’t have BPD, if I can associate with some of the symptoms I might be able to find a way to feel better if medication doesn’t work. Maybe?

      Thanks, I’ll try my best to stick with it

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      • You make a good point. Even if you don’t officially have BPD you can still benefit form seeing how others with the disorder cope and are treated. Especially in regards to self-harm.

        Hope I didn’t come off as condescending in my comment. Obviously you are suffering and you need help to find the right diagnosis and treatment so you can get help. My worry was that since you are still developing who you are as a person I would hate for you to label yourself with a personality disorder and have it affect how you see yourself the rest of your life.

        I mentioned “sticking with it” because I have suffered myself from depression and anxiety for almost 20 years and it took a little while to find what medication worked. I am hopeful for you that you are trying to get treatment because I know how much I suffered needlessly and I nearly didn’t make it out alive.

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      • No, don’t worry, you didn’t. I spoke to my GP today and they said a similar thing anyway. Although it can be diagnosed at my age it could be hormones and stuff like that.

        I guess you are on some working medication now, right? What are you on?

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  4. Fluoxetine… hmm. Well.

    I know people it’s made more depressed (but not THAT much more depressed, if you see what I mean) and people it has made feel loads better. So maybe they’re trying you with something that has a variable track record, but *when* it works, it *really* works.

    Anxiety and depression (as others have said) often go hand-in-hand. Don’t knock the idea of treating one and hoping the other eases in time… sometimes, we can cope with 2 problems at once, if 1 of them is being treated.

    I think you are certainly suffering from some sort of depression, but you know, depression can actually be the “lesser” of 2 conditions, Have you looked into Panic Disorder, at all? It might not fit, but a little of it sounds appropriate, for you… and I can see how that level of panic (which is beyond anxiety) could well add to someone’s depression. Easing it may well have a beneficial effect on your depression, as well…?

    Good luck, anyway.

    PS As ever, hang in there 😉

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  5. Give the fluoxetine some time to work. Like amandaquirky said, when it works, it works!
    And depression and anxiety are very tight buddies – there is usually one dragging the other along with it. So starting with treating the depression is reasonable. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder 7 years ago, and a big helping of non- specified anxiety to go with it. But we’re treating the MDD daily, and the anxiety as needed. Best wishes for mental health to you!

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  6. I do hope that it helps you. Prozac was one of the first meds that did help me. But after 6 months a lot of the med stop working with me which has been a huge challenge. One I often go back to is Lexapro but I’m trying Effexor right now. I’m tired of it all, exhausted, not physically but mentally. Something has to give.

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