The Chronicles of the Tablets: Not In Hospital Yet

This is a follow-up post based on what has happened to me, basically about the small overdose of anti-anxiety tablets which is till affecting me. It happened on Saturday evening and I am still suffering from chest pains and the occasional stomach pain, this post will update you on the situation. If you want to read more (previous) posts they are linked below in chronological order:
1) Please Kill Me – Things That Make Me Depressed
2) Thinking To Myself About Suicide
3) The Swallowing of the Tablets
4) The Chronicles of the Tablets: What’s Happening To Me…

Okay, so my lovely readers deserve to know what is going on. During the writing of my last post, my mum was on the phone to the NHS. The NHS did not bring an ambulance! I’m not actually surprised as they booked an appointment for me to see a GP within a few hours. A few hours passed and my mum got a phone call from the GP that I do not need to see them. I have no idea why, I have not been given an explanation. I do not know if my mum knows, but I am not going to answer.

Today I went back to college (the day after they sent me home) and spoke to the college counsellor. They explained why they had to send me home, because of the risk of me harming myself, and that they are still here for me whenever I need them. The one thing I remember them saying is that if the tablets were anti-depressants I would have definitely been in hospital but since they were anti-anxiety tablets I was fine (well… not as bad). My college counsellor booked me an appointment for my CAMHS counsellor tomorrow, who I don’t enjoy speaking to but can give me better help since they are connected to the NHS.

Right now I am thinking about what to say tomorrow. I know that if I tell my CAMHS counsellor I am thinking and planning suicide they will have to put me into hospital (due to them being connected to the NHS). I am deciding whether to do it. I can also predict the comments on this post now I have said that. Anyway… yes, I have to go to the counsellor tomorrow. That’s all!

That’s not all! If I don’t go to hospital tomorrow I will do another one of my helpful articles tomorrow (if you want something specific, tell me in the comments). I haven’t decided exactly what it will be on yet. Also, I need to do more poems!

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8 thoughts on “The Chronicles of the Tablets: Not In Hospital Yet

  1. Unicorn Loser says:

    Hey,
    Years ago when i was at university, I expressed my suicidal ideas to a university counselor, she said she’d get a mental health nurse in the next day to see me, I just needed to turn up. I did but the counselor refused to leave her room and I was abandoned. My point is, if someone is offering you help, this is rare and a good thing.
    If you feel suicidal, say that is how you feel. Weighing up the odds, if you are at that point, then it’s best you’re monitored to avoid doing that to yourself, even if it means hospital. If you don’t know what you’re going to do, then why not? I know it’s not going to be good, but if you’re preserving your life and you’re at a point where you want to end it, then there is nothing to lose.

    Like

    • It turns out they weren’t trying to help me. I told my counsellor today, they know about the overdose and they know I’m very suicidal. I even told them I had a plan to do something again. I didn’t get any advice from them or anything. How do I get help when they don’t want to help me?

      Like

      • Unicorn Loser says:

        This is my experience too. I think these people act as though they are prepared for whatever shit you bring into the room, but I was ditched when I was suicidal and relied on that person. I honestly think that our best bet, if we feel that way, is to go to the A&E department and just sit there till we get listened
        to.

        Like

      • Unicorn Loser says:

        My therapist didn’t help me when I told her I was suicidal. She promised she would have someone there to see me on a Thursday and nothing happened. Best thing I did was to go to hospital and get help myself. I cannot trust another NHS therapist again after that.

        Like

  2. Yes, you are correct. I will strongly urge you to go ahead and give the hospital a try.

    One of the worst aspects of depression is that it is so isolating. Not only do we feel estranged from everyone else because of our inner pain, but also because there is a desire to pull away, to create an unbroachable distance from others, to reinforce our emotional loneliness with a self-imposed exile. We want to detach. And at the same time, there is something in us that is desperate for someone to reach through the walls we’ve put up and rescue us. THAT would make us feel loved and valued. But we push away harder when someone tries. It’s agonizing. You really do have to make a choice to let someone in.

    I didn’t ever “beat” my depression, and I no longer fight it. I recognize it when it creeps up from behind, I crumble under it and try to keep from drowning in it, but now I’ve learned to let both Jesus and my friends in. They help open up a door. The door lets some light in, and after a bit I feel okay enough to go out again.

    Somehow you are going to have to find a way to allow someone in. Medication can definitely help, but a hand through the pain is the best medicine, I think.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I was honest with my counsellor, they haven’t help me at all. No hospital, no advice, nothing. I tried to let them in a bit but they didn’t to. Do you think I should go to the hospital myself and ask to be put on a mental health ward?

      (I’ve got a new post out if you want more info on what I’m on about)

      Like

  3. Be honest with your counselor tomorrow. If you need to try the hospital, it is okay. Anything you need is okay. Life can and will get better, I promise! Let them help you, try to be honest with them, it will help.

    Like

    • I was honest with them, I got absolutely no help at all. They don’t even seem sympathetic with me. My counselling seems like a waste of time. I’ve got another post out explaining it all as well.

      Like

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