The Chronicles of the Tablets: What’s Happening To Me…

This is a follow-up post based on what has happened to me, basically about the small overdose of anti-anxiety tablets which is till affecting me. It happened on Saturday evening and I am still suffering from chest pains and the occasional stomach pain, this post will update you on the situation. If you want to read more (previous) posts they are linked below in chronological order:
1) Please Kill Me – Things That Make Me Depressed
2) Thinking To Myself About Suicide
3) The Swallowing of the Tablets

I’ve received a lot of advice from my friend and from many of my readers about seeing a doctor if I still have overdose symptoms. I haven’t seen a doctor yet. I went to college today and talked to the college counsellor about the incident of Saturday. Actually, I did not talk much except for the first few minutes where I explained what happened, then she asked a lot of questions which I replied to with “no” or “don’t know”. She then broke confidentiality and rang my mum. I’ve been taken home, and I presume I am going to be locked in my own home for the rest of the day unless something else happens.

As I type this my mum is on the phone to the NHS 111 number, getting advice about me. The only thing about this that I worry about is that they will have to put me in hospital, so if you do not hear from me in the next day I am probably in hospital. I imagine they are going to make me go to hospital to check I am fine after the overdose, and then they will send me to a mental health ward (because I’m still a bit suicidal). I always say I don’t want to go to hospital, and I’m still not sure about it.

In regards to my physical health, I am still feelings chest pains. I would call them heart pains but I don’t know if that is a real thing. I was having some bad stomach pains last night too but they have stopped. I have tried to talk to my friend but they are away still, and now I am probably locked in my house so I don’t see how I can see them. The whole time I have been writing this, my mum has been on the phone to the NHS so I am unsure whether they are about to do anything. I will write another update later if I am fine and not in hospital, so goodbye for now.

P.S. She is giving my name and address so does that mean an ambulance?

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15 thoughts on “The Chronicles of the Tablets: What’s Happening To Me…

    • So I haven’t gone to hospital. I told my counsellor a lot. They know about my overdose, they know I’m still suicidal and I even told them I have a plan to do something again. They didn’t offer any advice, or put me in a hospital. So I guess when I try to get help it doesn’t come. Should I just turn up at hospital and ask for them to put me on a ward?

      (I have a new post out with more info if you want to look)

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Siouxsie says:

    Sweeite. I hope that they WILL take you to hospital. You need more care and attention.

    And while you are there, maybe they can regulate your meds, and find what works for you. I promise, as REAL as these feelings are- they can be overcome. Please let them try to help you. That way, you will still be around to help others.

    You know how to contact me–feel free ANYTIME.

    Lighting a candle for you, will keep flame burning until we hear from you again.

    Strength. And BREATHE. 💜💜💚❤️💜💙💚❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  2. it sucks to be were you are. no one deserves to have these feelings, to have these constant struggles. they have to be wearing. i hope you find help that can benefit your well being.

    in the time that i’ve known you, i have come to see your fascination with the big s as just another form of cutting. it becomes another way to inflict pain for the hurt the resides within. my hope for you is relief for you for your internal pain.

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      • You deserve to be well, and in a kind and gentle manner. The run around you continually face saddens me.

        i seen both your struggles and how you have powered through it all.i want you around for tomorrow, for tomorrow’s tomorrow and for many tomorrows to come. keep fighting. if you have to, head to 10 downing street, maybe you can rattle some cages there to get you some help you want and need. :^)

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  3. I think it is time to give up a little control and let people in. Nobody can change your mindset but yourself, however as you are bravely writing on here, I feel that you do want things to change. Every day is a new journey and a new chance to change direction. I hope you embrace this. Much love 🙂

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  4. Damn, it really sucks that they went over your head and called your mum, but hopefully this means you’ll get care, for the physical symptoms as well as the mental. I’d hate to think you’ve done damage to your stomach etc.. I often think I don’t want to go to hospital but sometimes feel it’d be the best thing for my mental illness. I really hope something positive comes from this. Otherwise, just know you have my sympathy; whatever happens, I know this fight is a hard one. x

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  5. I would say even if they don’t send you to a mental hospital, you need to get the symptoms checked out from the overdose. It could have caused some serious damage, that could get worse if not taken care of. That being said, a mental hospital wouldn’t be the worst thing. Sometimes it can be necessary to figure out the right dosages. Use it to take a rest and take what you can from what they tell you, if you end up going. Not everything will work for you, but keep an open mind to the things that can.

    I was hospitalized three times in a mental health hospital. Now that I am older and more self aware, I know other ways to cope. Being in the hospital those times, though, was good for me at the time.

    It sounds like you have a lot of support (from reading the other comments). Please know that people care about you and are rooting for you!

    You will be in my thoughts and I hope to see a post from you soon!

    Love & Peace
    Devin

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  6. If you want to, check out the site Project Beyond Blue. The folks are so supportive – you can join groups that are facing the same stuff as you are.
    I’ve suffered from depression for the past seven years, and have thought about suicide many times. But the thoughts end. There is life beyond the s* you’re thinking and feeling right now. Hang in there. Let people help you. Talk to the folks on Project Beyond Blue – amazing supportive community – many folks dealing daily with “death thoughts.” If you go to the hospital, that’s a great place to be honest about the negative and hopelessness thoughts – that’s why you’re there. And be assured – you are NOT alone. There are lots of us out here who truly understand your daily struggle. We struggle too. So let us help you, be here for you. Please accept that we care about you lots, and would hug you if we could! Please keep us posted. You are in my prayers!

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