Spend Christmas in hospital? Buy some rope to hang myself? Reach 10,000 views? One has happened, one is in the process of happening, and one will not happen. Don’t you love suspense? Now you will have to read my post to find out…
I went to the doctors today. The GP I usually see was away because of the Christmas holidays so instead I had to see a different one. After about 30 seconds of sitting in his office listening to what he had to say I decided that I hate him. I seem to do that to most people I talk to about my depression, I have a feeling most of them hate me too so I don’t feel bad about it. After choosing to pretend everything is fine (no mention of my suicidal thoughts or delusion of a bug in my hand) I can now say that I wont be spending Christmas in hospital, unless something really bad happens to me. Afterwards I bought some rope. 30 metres of it. Apparently it can hold way over 100kg, it could easily hold me. When these suicidal thoughts go I am going to hate myself for buying the rope, which will then make me want to kill myself again. I think I’m stuck in a crazy cycle.
In other news, I was thinking about not continuing my blog. Then I realised that this was another one of my depressed thoughts. I love writing my blog, it gives me a place to share my feelings. I will continue to write advice, poems and about my life for a while. I started my blog this month and already have a loyal following of at least two people (bipolarsojourner and kbailey374 – they comment on most of my posts, check the comments if you don’t believe me). I have already passed 500 views, and my post To Kill Or Not To Kill is on 99 views as I write this.
Next year I want to achieve a lot. I have a blog post planned for this but I will just share a couple things now. Firstly, I have a petition in mind that I want to start, I have been discussing it with a few people recently and there are not many reasons to disprove of it (I’ll be glad to debate it once I post it next year). Secondly, I want to reach 10000 views which means I will be posting regularly next year. Thirdly, I am going to keep linking to the blogs of people who support my blog. I do this quite randomly and I don’t know if anyone notices, I don’t really care as long as everyone shares each other’s work.
I’ve saved the happiest part until last. For those who celebrate it (most of my views are from USA and UK so probably a lot of you) I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. I have scheduled a Christmas poem for tomorrow so you will find that in your email inbox if you follow this blog. I hope you all enjoy it, try to be happy for one day!