Sometimes my depression makes me feel like I’m in a battle, under attack from myself. Instead of going to college today I decided to stay at home and sharpen my self-harming tools, and then obviously use them. As I write this my mum is downstairs, who does not know I am in my room hurting myself. I could tell her and get help, but I have to first convince myself that it is the right thing to do. And when I tell her, what will she say about me missing college?
This isn’t the worst of my battle, it came close to taking its first casualty on the weekend. One small thought and my battle could get very messy. I’m sure lots of people with depression suffer from suicidal thoughts, but how so many people control their thoughts amazes me, even how I do it amazes me. Don’t ask me how I do it because I’m not sure. All I can say is stay strong and your days will get better. Sometimes the battle will get worse, but it can only get so bad before the enemy troops stop advancing and you can take control again. Anyway, I wrote another poem, I hope everyone enjoys it.
Soldier Soldier Fighting Your Battle
Soldier soldier what did you do?
Do you fight a war, give me a clue?
I fought but I also had to take care
The wounds I suffered will not repair
Soldier soldier you don’t look so strong
How did you fight all day long?
It’s not just days and days I fought
For months by evil I could not be caught
Soldier soldier did you win an award?
Courage, bravery, knighted by the sword?
The battle I fought was unimportant to most
After my meeting with death I don’t want to boast
Soldier soldier I forgot to ask
Who did you fight in this heroic task?
Interesting question, I want you to see
I have depression. I fight against me.